how does one recap one of the most chaotic years of their life when it can *essentially* be boiled down to: i had twins.
i really think i could end there and everyone would nod and say, “i totally get that. what a ride.”
but i’ll try to stretch it out a little more for you.
in march, my mother informed me that she had stage 4 bile duct cancer with a fairly certain death sentence of the end of the year. currently, she is skipping chemo treatments because she feels well enough to do so, and is navigating the cancer world well. (can you do that? can you handle that “well”?)
in april i had two little ginger nuggets cut out of my stomach and my life was completely altered. things that i thought mattered meant nothing anymore. my only focus was (and is) how those two little girls are doing. it’s similar to when you graduate high school and suddenly realize no one cares about your achievements there. … times a billion.
gaining your footing as a parent is disgraceful at best. every day i had a new idea on how things were going to be. i was (am) completely stressed out about how to provide for them the best i can. without hesitation, i believe that i am still alive thanks to janelle – she saved me by teaching the girls to sleep through the night. she is, by far, one of the greatest humans alive.
beyond attempting to keep children alive and healthy, ryan and i were put under an amount of stress that currently doesn’t have a descriptive word. our idiot loft wouldn’t stop flooding. so our property management offered us a different loft… that also flooded. so we made a quick decision that we needed to move before our lease was up. if the flooding wasn’t enough, they were raising our rent. if raising our rent wasn’t enough on top of the flooding, maintenance was seemingly non existent.
someone at some point will probably say, “isn’t it funny now that you look back on it?” and i will punch that person in the face.
at the beginning of the year ryan went full time at his job, and from what i understand, requires a lot of brain power. and focus. and learning. when you add twins, band shows, and a flooding loft to it, you get a stressed out husband.
when you have twins, a job at a gym, work with fashion week, race direct for cupids undie run, accept a new race director position for a different charity, work odd hours in a shipping department, do photography, etc … you get … whatever i am. honestly, i’m not sure. but thanks for sticking it out with me either because you’re a good person or because you like watching the train wreck that is me happen.
anyone that has snuggled a baby for me, had coffee with me, or continued as my friend: thank you. mostly for the caffeine.
to put it in simple words – this year was hard. i can’t put into words the stress and strain on marriage and life. tomorrow will come and it’s not all going to be glitter and rainbows. the grind is still happening, we’re hopefully just starting to figure it out.
these events (mom’s cancer, becoming a parent, last minute moves) individually are intense to handle. when they all happen within a few months time on top of insane post-pregnancy hormones… it’s enough to break a person. i can’t say i’ve handled it gracefully, and i know there are things i can do better. maybe the idea of a new year maybe gives me a small breath of fresh air even if nothing but the date has changed.
i am excited for what is to come. new opportunities, new developments with the twins, and more. it’s all going to be fun (and interesting) watching it play out. here’s hoping that 2016 is a little more gentle on us than 2015 was. i appreciate the lessons learned, but frankly i’ve never liked school and would like a vacation.